Marriage Between a Man and a Woman is Ordained of God

The Family: A Proclamation to the World states many important facts about marriage.

1. Marriage between a man and woman is essential to His eternal plan.
2. Husbands and Wives have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other.
3. Children are entitled to birth within bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and mother that honor marital vows with complete fidelity.
4. Successful marriages are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.

In the book "Successful Marriages and Families", they list six foundational processes that help make up a healthy marriage. Foundational Processes are actions couples take to help their marriage flourish.  The six processes are: 
*Personal Commitment to the Marriage Covenant
*Love and Friendship
*Positive Interactions
*Accepting Influence from Spouse
*Handling of Differences and Problem Solving
*Continuing Your Courtship

First, our commitment to the marriage covenant.  In a covenant marriage, the partners work through their problems together.  They are bound by the covenants that they made to each other.  They keep Christ as the focal point of their marriage, and they each give 100% to their marriage.  When we make Christ the focal point of our marriage, we are able to have a happier and more fulfilling marriage.   

President Spencer W. Kimball said 

"When a husband and wife go together frequently to the holy temple, kneel in prayer together in their home with their family, go hand in hand to their religious meetings, keep their lives wholly chaste--mentally and physically-- so that their whole thoughts and desires and loves are all centered in the one being, their companion, and both work together for the upbuilding of the kingdom of God, then happiness is at its pinnacle."

Second, we need to not only love our spouse, but we need to be friends.  We can develop these friendships in many different ways.  Show interest in the things that your spouse is interested in, pay attention to your spouse, talk as friends--not just about your schedule or stresses with the family, and respond to your spouses efforts for connection.

One way that my husband and I keep our friendship strong, is by doing things that we enjoy together.  Sometimes it's simple things, like running to the gas station to get a drink, sending a funny text message, or watching his favorite team play on TV.  Other times we have taken the time to go on a short vacation alone.  Your spouse should be your best friend, and someone that you enjoy spending time with.

Next, work hard to have positive interactions with your spouse.  Life is not always positive.  Sometimes there are a lot of hard things that happen in a marriage and a family.  Work hard to have more positive communication between you and your spouse, than you do negative communication.  Try to focus on the positive qualities in your spouse.  If we are always focusing on the negative, pretty soon that is all we can see in them.  If I am starting to find myself being annoyed with my spouse, or particularly negative toward him, I try to take a break for a minute.  Just spending a few minutes alone can help me to stop and think about what is really bothering me.  Most of the time, it has nothing to do with my spouse, he is just on the receiving end of my stress or frustration.

Fourth, we need to be willing to receive influence from our spouse.  If we want to have an equal partnership with our spouse, we must be willing to work together to make decisions that impact our marriage and our family.  I have found that I feel closer to my husband when I go to him for advice.  Sometimes, he doesn't have any answers for me, but it helps me to just have someone to talk through things with.  Showing him that I think he is important to me, and that I value his opinion helps us to grow closer together.

Next, we should always work to handle problems and disagreements carefully.  We should always treat our spouse with respect, even when we are angry with them or don't agree with them.  Elder Joe J. Christensen said, 

"Any intelligent couple will have differences of opinion.  Our challenge is to be sure that we know how to resolve them.  That is part of the process of making a good marriage better."

We should work together to solve our conflicts.  Some of the best advice I ever got before getting married was to never go to bed angry.  We have tried to live by this rule, and it has helped us to start each day in a better way when we resolve our differences the night before.

Finally, we have been counseled to continue our courtship.  We need to pay attention to our spouse.  This can get harder and harder as we have more children, who grow older, and become involved in many activities.  We have 5 children, who are busy with school, soccer, volleyball, dance, and church activities.  Some days it feels like I wave at my husband as we pass each other on the way out the door.  We have made it a goal to go on a date every week.  Sometimes this date is a nice dinner alone, and on busier weeks it may be a trip to the grocery store.  We also go to bed together.  We always wait for the other and try to talk about our day before we go to sleep.  We also try to do little things to show our appreciation to each other.  

By doing these things, we can work to make our marriages covenant marriages.  We can have happiness as we strengthen our marriages and become best friends with our spouse.

Equal Partnership

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints teaches that there should be an equal partnership between men and women both here on Earth and in the Eternities.  What does this mean?

Many people believe that because Adam was created first, and Eve second, that Adam was to rule over her.  They believe that Eve made a mistake by partaking of the fruit, and some even believe that women should still be ruled over because of this "mistake".  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints sees it differently.

Elder Earl C. Tingey said, "You must not misunderstand what the Lord meant when Adam was told he was to have a helpmeet.  A helpmeet is a companion suited to or equal to us.  We walk side by side with a helpmeet, not one before or behind the other.  A helpmeet results in an absolute equal partnership between a husband and a wife.  Eve was to be equal to Adam as a husband and wife are to be equal to each other."

Our Heavenly Father intended for Adam and Eve to be equals.  They each had unique skills, gifts, and talents, that made them different, but they are equal.  Equal doesn't mean identical.  The same is true for us today.  Husbands and wives are equal.  We should work together in an equal partnership to love and teach our children.  The Church stresses that any tradition that denies equality to either spouse is wrong, and we are to stop these immediately.

President Howard W. Hunter said, "The Lord intended that the wife be....a companion equal and necessary in full partnership...For man to operate independent of or without regard to the feelings and counsel of his wife in governing the family is to exercise unrighteous dominion."

As we have had a more recent push of feminism, we must make sure that we do not make a women's role so important that it diminishes the importance of the male role.  President Hunter's teachings apply to both male and female. 

Being in an equal partnership, means sharing the responsibilities of the household, and of teaching and raising the children.  We should work together in all aspects of these areas.  Being in an equal partnership also means there is room for both partners to have opinions and dreams, and there is room for the other partner to encourage and support.

When we follow this counsel from our leaders we will be entitled to many blessings in our marriages, such as:

*happier relationships
*better individual well-being
*less verbal aggression and physical abuse
*more satisfying physical intimacy
*deeper love for our spouse
*better functioning children
*better parents

We should work to make our relationships stronger, more equal, and happier as we work, counsel, grow, and learn together as equal partners.

A Responsibility To Love

In The Family: A Proclamation to the World it states, "Husband and Wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children"

We were not sent to this Earth alone.  The family has been part of the plan since before our birth.  In our pre-mortal life, we were organized into families.  We were taught about the Plan of Salvation, we knew that this plan would allow us to be sealed together as families, and through temple ordinances, we would be able to be with our families forever.  

Satan is constantly fighting against the success of families.  He leads us to believe that getting married and creating a family of our own, will drag us down.  He encourages us to place more value on getting an education, being successful, and gaining wealth.  He tells us that we can't travel and do enjoyable things if we are stuck taking care of children.  He tells us that we are incapable of staying in a relationship with one person for our entire life. When these things don't work to convince us, he moves to the media.  Our children are bombarded with television and movies that show old and out of touch parents.  They show how exciting it can be to never marry, and move from partner to partner, never having to commit to anyone.  Then Satan moves to the government, helping to pass laws that are anti-family and even change the entire definition of the family.

In 1992, President Ezra Taft Benson said, "If we continue with the these trends, we can expect to see more divorce, more emotionally disturbed young people, more depression, and more suicide.".  This was his warning in 1992.  We are seeing these exact problems that he warned of, in our society today.  So how can we help our families and those around us?  Here are some ideas:

*Teach our children the gospel
*Teach our children the Plan of Salvation
*Make your home a loving place that all family members want to be
*Show love to your spouse in front of your children
*Tell and show your children that you love them
*Hold regular Family Home Evening, scripture study, and family prayer together
*Teach your children right from wrong and teach them to follow the commandments
*Make sure your children know that they are loved, wanted, and appreciated
*Spend time with your children working and playing
*Spend time with your spouse, go on dates, strengthen your relationship
*Always show respect to your spouse in front of others as well as in private
*Show your children that you love to be a parent
*Teach them to recognize the Spirit and follow it's promptings

 
One of our family's favorite ways to show our love for each other is to spend time together.  This past summer, my son, Aidan, was in the hospital for 5 weeks to have two different surgeries, halo traction surgery and spinal fusion surgery.  It was hard on our family to spend those 5 weeks apart, as the hospital was 4 hours away, in a different state.  A couple of weeks ago, we were able to travel back to the hospital together and participate in the "Walk for Love", to raise money for the hospital where his surgery was performed.  We were able to stay in a hotel, swim, and participate in the walk.  It was a great opportunity to spend the weekend together, show love and support to Aidan, do some fun activities that we enjoy, and also work hard to raise money to donate to the hospital.  When we are able to spend time together, I can feel the bonds of our family growing stronger.  I want my kids to know that I love and appreciate them, and I think that spending time together helps me to do this.