Faith in Family Life

Faith is an important part of the family.  In "The Family: A Proclamation to the World", faith is listed as the first principle that successful marriages and families should be built upon. Faith and religion play a major part in family life.  

Being active in a religious community gives us a whole new family, and many opportunities.  People who are actively involved in their religious communities, have been shown to have a lower use of pornography, and lower rates of domestic violence in their homes.  Women who are involved in a religious community are more likely to have children, while men who are actively involved in their religious communities are more likely to remain faithful to their spouse, and are highly involved in their children's lives.  

Religious communities can provide love, support, service, and friendship to each other.  My son had a major spine surgery this summer.  My son and I were required to spend six weeks in a hospital that was in a different state from the rest of our family.  Our families helped as much as possible, but our ward family was wonderful.  They arranged meals for our family, had our kids over for play dates, and over 20 different families traveled the three hours to the hospital to check on us during that time.  There were also many families in the ward that included us in their prayers and fasting.  This support made a huge difference in our lives.  We knew we were loved, and that those members of our ward really cared for us.

There are many ways that we can help our children to increase their faith.  In our family we try to do the basics such as family prayer, family scripture study, Family Home Evening, and regular church attendance.  We have also tried to teach our children faith by involving them in our fasts, especially when we are fasting for a particular reason.  

One thing that we have really enjoyed doing is taking our boys, that are old enough, to the temple to perform baptisms for the dead.  We have a goal as a family to visit as many different temples as we can.  Involving our children in finding names, picking the temple, and doing the temple work has been a great way to help build their testimonies of the temple, family history, and service.

Helping our children to build their testimonies, and their faith in Christ, is one of the most important things that we can do as parents.  

There is a beautiful lesson that is taught in the book Daughters in My Kingdom.  It talks about women, but it can also apply to faithful men too.

"Whenever a woman strengthens the faith of a child, she contributes to the strength of a family-now and in the future."

--Daughters in My Kingdom

Wholesome Recreation

"Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, comapssion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."

-The Family: A Proclamation to the World

We are counselled that our free time should be used to create the best life possible.  We should choose activities that promote individual growth, and strengthen our families.  There are many activities that we can choose from.  What we choose will depend on our families, their interests, the ages of your family members, and the amount of time you have.  Wholesome recreation can be something small, like playing a quick board game, or it can be elaborate, like going on a family vacation.

Wholesome recreation can be a teaching/learning experience.  We should spend some of our free time teaching our children.  We can teach them to read, ride a bike, play a sport, bake, or garden.  When we take our time to do these things, we can help them build their knowledge, make memories, and we can also build our relationships with them. 

Our every day lives are becoming more hectic all of the time.  We have work and church responsibilities.  Our children have homework, and they are involved in extra activities.  One way that our family has tried to spend time together, even when we are busy, is to attend the activities of each member of our family.  We have enjoyed cheering each other on at soccer games or dance recitals.  My husband has also volunteered to coach some of our kids' teams in order to spend more time with them.

We also love to spend time together at home.  We try to make sure that we eat dinner together each night.  We also enjoy playing board games, playing sports together in our yard, and eating treats.

Creating fun family traditions has also helped us to spend time together.  When we have traditions, it is easier to carve out time with each other.  Some of our favorite traditions are carving pumpkins at Halloween, decorating the Christmas tree together, and watching fireworks on the 4th of July.

Our family has also been blessed to be able to take a vacation together once a year.  Sometimes these vacations are more elaborate than others, but getting time together, away from the hectic pace and responsibilities of life has been a great thing for our family.  We have made many great memories together.

"One of the main problems in families today is that we spend less and less time together.  Time together is precious time--time needed to talk, to listen, to encourage, and to show how to do things."

--President James E. Faust

The Meaning and Blessings of Work

In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, it tells us that work is a solemn responsibility, and a sacred duty.  Our family should be built on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, compassion, and work.  

Teaching our children to work can seem overwhelming.  Most of the time, it seems easier to just do things ourselves, but if we do this, our children will never learn to do things for themselves.  Teaching our children takes time and effort. 

Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, "The divine attributes of love, mercy, patience, submissiveness, meekness, purity...cannot be developed in the abstract.  These require the clinical experiences....Nor can these attributes be developed in a hurry."

One important way that we can teach our children to work, is by our own example.  We can encourage them to help around the house.  Children can be given simple chores such as helping with a meal, cleaning their room, sorting laundry, dusting, or helping to take care of a family pet.  These jobs can get more detailed as our children get older.  We should try not to complain about the work that we have to do.  If we seem happy about working, our children will be less likely to try to avoid working.

We can also teach our children to work hard in school.  We can encourage them to do their best, and give their best efforts in their classes.  We can encourage them to work hard at being good friends, and good people.  When they work hard, they will be able to take pride in their efforts.

We can also teach our children to work hard at their extra curricular activities.  We can encourage them to try their best in their activities, and to be good team members.  We can teach them to work hard at having good sportsmanship, and being dependable.

One of the most important areas that we can be an example to our children in is service.  We should teach our children to work hard in the service of others.  We shouldn't complain about our church callings, or our service opportunities.  We should teach children to have joy in doing temple work.  We should take them to the temple, and help them to gain a testimony of working to serve our Heavenly Father.

"Children devoid of responsibilities risk never learning that every individual can be of service and that life has meaning beyond their own happiness." 

-Bishop H. David Burton

Supporting Families Across Generations

The role of grandparent can be one of the most rewarding roles in life.  Grandparents can have many different roles in their children and grandchildren's lives.  Some grandparents take an active role.  They are there to offer support by attending school events, sporting events, and important church milestones.

Sometimes, grandparents need to take an even more active role by taking over care of their grandchildren when a parent is unable.  Other times, a grandparent can provide emotional support, advice, or more direct help in times of need.
My children have been blessed to be close to both sets of their grandparents.  When my husband and I were a young married couple, we had some challenges that required us to lean on his parents for help.  My husband was a student, and working full time, we had a son that was 17 months old, and I had just given birth to a sweet baby that was 7 weeks early.  We needed help both physically and emotionally.  We moved into my in-laws basement for a couple of years.  I will never be able to pay back the love and help that I received from my in-laws, especially my mother-in-law, as I learned to care for 2 small children, one of whom had several special needs.  I am so grateful for the time that we spent, and for the close relationship that my boys developed with their grandparents during this time.

Studies have shown that a strong relationship with grandparents has a positive effect on a child's acting out behaviors.  I was blessed to live only a few blocks away from my dad's parents while I was growing up.  I don't have a lot of memories from my childhood, that they are not a part of.  There were many vacations, backyard BBQ's, birthday celebrations, Sunday dinners, and Christmas Eves that were made possible because of them.  I remember as a young teenager, going through the struggle of not liking my parents, and feeling that they didn't understand me.  I spent a lot of time talking to my grandma.  She always listened to me, and made me feel like what I was saying was important.  I felt like she was on my side.  This relationship helped me to get through those tough teenage years.

Grandchildren can learn many things from their grandparents.  One thing that they can learn is how to serve.  Some grandparents may be older, and may need help from their extended family.  Children can learn how to serve by helping them with chores, and taking care of them.  I learned how to serve by watching the example of my grandparents.  My grandpa could always be found helping someone in their yard, shoveling snow, mowing a lawn, or hanging Christmas lights.  My grandma is still constantly serving.  For many years, she made a birthday cake for every person in her ward on their birthday.  She has a wonderful way of making people feel special.

Grandparents can do many other things.  They can support children and grandchildren in their church accomplishments, such as baptisms or ordinations.  They can also just spend time with their grandchildren, and have fun.  My family has been very blessed to have wonderful grandparents, and even great-grandparents, in our lives.  

Temple Covenants Save Families

"The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave.  Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally."

-The Family: A Proclamation to the World

Our Heavenly Father has prepared a plan and a way for us to return to live with Him.  He has given us temples here on Earth, where we can make covenants, and where we can be sealed together as families for all eternity.  Our families should be our most important relationships.  We should love them, and teach them the gospel.  We should do everything in our power to help them stay on the path back to our Heavenly Father. 

We can teach our children to be like Christ.  We can teach them to love and serve those around them.  We can teach them how to be kind to those are them.  We can teach them about God, the Plan of Salvation, the Atonement, and other gospel principles.  When they are old enough, we can encourage them to make their own covenants, by being baptized.

 

When our children are old enough, we can encourage them to receive a temple recommend of their own.  We can teach them the importance of temple work, and the blessings that it will bring to those that have passed away.  We can support them by teaching them to index, do family history, and by taking them to the temple to serve and do baptisms for the dead.  My boys currently have a goal to visit as many different temples as they can.  My son that is 15, has been able to visit 7 different temples, while my 12 year old has visited 4.  This has been a fun goal for our family.  We plan to visit Cedar City, and San Diego on our family vacation next week.

We can encourage an interest in going to the temple by taking our children to visit different temples, and participating in open houses when we get the chance.  We can also teach our children the importance of attending the temple by setting an example with our own temple attendance.

We can also teach our children the importance of the sealing ordinance, and encourage them to choose to be married in the temple.  Because we all have agency, many of Heavenly Father's children will choose different paths than those that lead to the temple and exaltation.  We are taught that through the sealing ordinances of the temple, those who stray will not be lost. 

President Joseph Fielding Smith said:

"Being heirs [to the kingdom, through the sealing ordinance] they have claims upon the blessings of the gospel beyond what those not so born are entitled to receive.  They may receive a greater guidance, a greater protection, a greater inspiration from the Spirit of the Lord; and then there is no power that can take them away from their parents....Those born under the covenant, throughout all eternity, are the children of their parents.  Nothing except the unpardonable sin, or sin unto death, can break this tie."

We are given more counsel by President James E. Faust when he said:

"Perhaps in this life we are not given to fully understand how enduring the sealing cords of righteous parents are to their children.  It may very well be that there are more helpful sources at work than we know.  I believe there is a strong familial pull as the influence of beloved ancestors continues with us from the other side of the veil...To those broken-hearted parents who have been righteous, diligent, and prayerful in the teaching of their disobedient children, we say to you, the Good Shepherd is watching over them.  God knows and understands your deep sorrow.  There is hope."

We must do all that we can to teach our children the gospel.  However, when those children use there agency, even in ways that we don't agree with, we must do everything we can to show them that we still love them.  We can also continue to guide them, counsel them, and be examples of love and righteousness to them.  They are still our children, no matter their decisions.  We must make sure that they know that they are still loved.  If we stay faithful to our covenants, we will be helped in our efforts. 

Parenting Practices

"Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God, and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live."

-The Family: A Proclamation to the World

Our Heavenly Father has entrusted parents with a sacred responsibility.  He has given us His spirit children to love, teach, and raise during their mortal lives.  He expects us to influence them for good, and do our best to teach them gospel principles.

Some people believe that a child's personality and behaviors are part of their DNA.  They take no responsibility, saying "He/she was born this way".  Many studies disagree with this theory.  Studies done on adoption prove that while there are children that are predisposed to certain traits and behaviors, parenting has a great affect on those behaviors.  

Parenting researcher, Diana Baumrind said "Casual attributions that assign primary responsibility for child outcomes to genetic factors, the effect of which parents believe they cannot change, undermine parents' beliefs in their own effectiveness, where as parents' attribution of responsibility for their children's outcomes to parents' own actions is associated with more effective care giving, which in turn is associated with more positive child outcomes."

What does this mean?  It means that parent's take more responsibility when they believe that their parenting directly affects their child's outcome.  Because of this belief, they put more effort into their parenting and in turn, they have more positive outcomes.  The Proclamation to the Family agrees with this idea, stressing the importance of loving and teaching our children.

Some people believe that a child's peers have more influence over them than their parents do.  If a child feels loved and accepted by his/her parents, they will be more open to listening to advice.  Parents can lovingly provide advice and standards that will help children select good friends.  Children that feel loved and accepted have a stronger desire to please their parents, leading them to make good decisions more often.

There are four main parenting styles:

*authoritarian (coercive)

*permissive

*uninvolved/disengaged

*authoritarian

Authoritative parenting follows the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ.  Authoritative parenting creates a positive atmosphere that encourages communication between parents and children.  In authoritative parenting there is a high level of warmth between parents and children, but there are also high expectations.  When this warmth and love is present, children are more receptive to their parents' influence.  Authoritative parenting is done in love and respect, therefore it invites the Spirit to be present in the home.  

Elder Robert D. Hales taught, "The key to strengthening our families is having the Spirit of the Lord come into our homes."

Multiply and Replenish

"God's commandment to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force."

(The Family: A Proclamation to the World"

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is a family based organization.  It teaches the importance of family.  It teaches that families can be together forever.  The family is the most important institution in the world.  However, fertility rates have been steadily dropping for many years.  

There are many reasons for this decline, some of which include: the expenses of having children, especially a large family, are high, career and education, and even influence by government.  Having children takes time and money.  Some families find that they cannot provide for a large family.  Others don't feel like they can, or want to, provide the time for children.  Women have been pressured in the last few decades to become more independent and educated.  More emphasis is being put on getting an education, and achieving success in their career.  Sometimes, when they are finally able to settle down, they realize that it is too late.  Some governments are putting pressure on their citizens to limit the size of their families.  For example, in the 1970's, China enforced a one child rule.  This remains in practice today.

Young people are pressured every day to wait to start a family until they have completed their education.  My husband and I were married when I was 19, and he was 21.  We chose to start our family not long after that.  When he was excepted into dental school, we had two young boys, and I was expecting my third son in a few months.  We attended a "Welcome" dinner for all of the new dental students, and their spouses.  After we introduced ourselves, and told a little about ourselves, a secretary from the school, who I later learned was a member of the Church, approached me.  She made small talk and then said, "Well, I bet you wish you would have waited to have all of those kids.  You are going to have a rough next four years.", and then she walked away.  I didn't know how to feel.  At first, I was ashamed, feeling that we had somehow made a wrong choice in bringing these sweet boys into the world.  Then I felt embarrassed that we had somehow thought that we could make it through four years of dental school and be parents.  I wondered if everyone around us was laughing , and waiting for us to fail.  When I mentioned this to my husband later that night, he said," Well, that's sad that she feels that way.  We knew that we were supposed to have these kids, and so did Heavenly Father.  He helped me get into dental school, and He will help us get through it.".  And He did.  We were blessed because we had followed His counsel.  How sad though, that a woman that had been taught the same gospel principles that I had, would make me feel bad for following them, when she should have been supporting me.

Having a family, and being parents can be scary.  It can be overwhelming, and it is hard work.  But, if we are doing the things that our Heavenly Father has commanded us to do, He will always be there to help us, if we ask Him.  There are some couples that are not able to have as many children as they wanted, and some that may never be able to have biological children.  In those cases, President Hinckley gave us great counsel.  He said,

"The Lord has told us to multiply and replenish the earth that we might have joy in our posterity, and there is no greater joy than the joy that comes of happy children in good families.  But he did not designate the number, nor has the Church.  That is a sacred matter left to the couple and the Lord."

My friend from college, Whitney, and her husband Quin were married and started a family not long after.  They were blessed with three beautiful children, however, because of health problems, Whitney was not able to have more children.  They did not, however, feel that their family was complete.  They counseled with family, and with their Heavenly Father, and found that adoption was the answer for their family.  They were able to adopt two sons from China.  Although Whitney did not bear these children, they are now sealed to them, and they are an important part of their family.  We should always counsel with our spouses and our Heavenly Father to make decisions about the size of our families.

"Of all the joys of life, none other equals that of happy parenthood.  Of all the responsibilities with which we struggle, none other is so serious.  To rear children in an atmosphere of love, security, and faith is the most rewarding of all challenges.  The good result from such efforts becomes life's most satisfying compensation."  

--President Gordon B. Hinckley

Honor Thy Father

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families."

(The Family: A Proclamation to the World)

A father is to PRESIDE over his family.  This means he should be the spiritual leader in his family.  He should teach his family the gospel.  He should take them to church, and make sure that they are learning the gospel.  He should be an example to them through the way that he lives his life, treats others, and treats their mother.  He should teach them to have values and respect for others.

A father should be a PARTNER.  He should work closely with the mother of his children to raise, and teach them.  They should help each other and make decisions together.  He should show his children how to be a good partner through his example.  He should be a partner to his child by teaching them, and helping them to reach their full potential.

A father should be PRESENT.  He should spend time with his children.  They should have a close relationship, and he should be available to his children, both physically and emotionally.  He should be there in their activities.  His children should know that he is always available to them.

A father should PROVIDE. A father should do his best to take care of the physical needs of his family.  He should work to provide them with the necessities, but he should also provide them with opportunities to learn and grow.  

A father should PROTECT.  A father should teach his children about dangers, and why they should avoid them.  Like a mother, he should do everything in his power to protect his children.  A father should teach his children right from wrong, and try to protect them from making bad choices.  A father should also be an example to help protect his children from making bad choices that could hurt them, such as drinking or drugs.

Some ways that I have witnessed my own father, my father-in-law, and my husband be good fathers are:

1. Spend time with your children.  I have been blessed with a father that took time to spend with our family.  We would play in the backyard, watch sports on TV,  or go on vacations.  I always felt that I was important to him, because he seemed to like spending time with me.  My husband is the same way.  He can be found playing sports with my kids, coaching their teams, taking them for treats, or just sitting and listening to them.  My children know that he enjoys their company.

2. Attend their activities.  My dad came to everything.  Sporting events, choir concerts, dance recitals, and piano recitals.  He was there when we spoke in church.  He was there when I received a scholarship.  He came to numerous events that my siblings and I were in.  My husband makes it a point to come to everything that our children participate in.  If he cannot be there, my kids know that he has asked me to make sure to get it on video.  He will take the time to watch the video with them later.  

3. Be the priesthood authority in the home.  I always knew that I could go to my dad for a priesthood blessing.  There was never a worry that he wouldn't be worthy, or would deny me the blessing.  My children are now blessed to have that in our home.  I am blessed with a husband that is happy to give blessings.  He leads us in family prayer every night, and in our Come Follow Me study.  He has been able to baptize all of our children that have been old enough to be baptized.  He has been able to give three of my sons the priesthood.  He has gone with me to the temple, and has been able to take three of our children to perform baptisms for the dead.  He is an example of a priesthood holder, as he takes our family to church each week, and performs his ministering duties.

4. Love your children.  My dad showed his love through actions.  He wasn't much for expressing it through words.  My husband both shows and tells my children that he loves them.  He pays attention to them.  He tells them he loves them every night as he helps to tuck them into bed.  He gives hugs and kisses, and he comforts them when they are upset.  

5. Love their mother.  One of the best ways that a man can be a good father, is by loving his children's mother.  By loving their mother, he can be an example of how to have a good relationship.  He can teach his children to be good husbands and fathers by the things that he does.  

"A father's calling is eternal and its importance transcends time." 

--Ezra Taft Benson