Temple Covenants Save Families

"The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave.  Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally."

-The Family: A Proclamation to the World

Our Heavenly Father has prepared a plan and a way for us to return to live with Him.  He has given us temples here on Earth, where we can make covenants, and where we can be sealed together as families for all eternity.  Our families should be our most important relationships.  We should love them, and teach them the gospel.  We should do everything in our power to help them stay on the path back to our Heavenly Father. 

We can teach our children to be like Christ.  We can teach them to love and serve those around them.  We can teach them how to be kind to those are them.  We can teach them about God, the Plan of Salvation, the Atonement, and other gospel principles.  When they are old enough, we can encourage them to make their own covenants, by being baptized.

 

When our children are old enough, we can encourage them to receive a temple recommend of their own.  We can teach them the importance of temple work, and the blessings that it will bring to those that have passed away.  We can support them by teaching them to index, do family history, and by taking them to the temple to serve and do baptisms for the dead.  My boys currently have a goal to visit as many different temples as they can.  My son that is 15, has been able to visit 7 different temples, while my 12 year old has visited 4.  This has been a fun goal for our family.  We plan to visit Cedar City, and San Diego on our family vacation next week.

We can encourage an interest in going to the temple by taking our children to visit different temples, and participating in open houses when we get the chance.  We can also teach our children the importance of attending the temple by setting an example with our own temple attendance.

We can also teach our children the importance of the sealing ordinance, and encourage them to choose to be married in the temple.  Because we all have agency, many of Heavenly Father's children will choose different paths than those that lead to the temple and exaltation.  We are taught that through the sealing ordinances of the temple, those who stray will not be lost. 

President Joseph Fielding Smith said:

"Being heirs [to the kingdom, through the sealing ordinance] they have claims upon the blessings of the gospel beyond what those not so born are entitled to receive.  They may receive a greater guidance, a greater protection, a greater inspiration from the Spirit of the Lord; and then there is no power that can take them away from their parents....Those born under the covenant, throughout all eternity, are the children of their parents.  Nothing except the unpardonable sin, or sin unto death, can break this tie."

We are given more counsel by President James E. Faust when he said:

"Perhaps in this life we are not given to fully understand how enduring the sealing cords of righteous parents are to their children.  It may very well be that there are more helpful sources at work than we know.  I believe there is a strong familial pull as the influence of beloved ancestors continues with us from the other side of the veil...To those broken-hearted parents who have been righteous, diligent, and prayerful in the teaching of their disobedient children, we say to you, the Good Shepherd is watching over them.  God knows and understands your deep sorrow.  There is hope."

We must do all that we can to teach our children the gospel.  However, when those children use there agency, even in ways that we don't agree with, we must do everything we can to show them that we still love them.  We can also continue to guide them, counsel them, and be examples of love and righteousness to them.  They are still our children, no matter their decisions.  We must make sure that they know that they are still loved.  If we stay faithful to our covenants, we will be helped in our efforts. 

Parenting Practices

"Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God, and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live."

-The Family: A Proclamation to the World

Our Heavenly Father has entrusted parents with a sacred responsibility.  He has given us His spirit children to love, teach, and raise during their mortal lives.  He expects us to influence them for good, and do our best to teach them gospel principles.

Some people believe that a child's personality and behaviors are part of their DNA.  They take no responsibility, saying "He/she was born this way".  Many studies disagree with this theory.  Studies done on adoption prove that while there are children that are predisposed to certain traits and behaviors, parenting has a great affect on those behaviors.  

Parenting researcher, Diana Baumrind said "Casual attributions that assign primary responsibility for child outcomes to genetic factors, the effect of which parents believe they cannot change, undermine parents' beliefs in their own effectiveness, where as parents' attribution of responsibility for their children's outcomes to parents' own actions is associated with more effective care giving, which in turn is associated with more positive child outcomes."

What does this mean?  It means that parent's take more responsibility when they believe that their parenting directly affects their child's outcome.  Because of this belief, they put more effort into their parenting and in turn, they have more positive outcomes.  The Proclamation to the Family agrees with this idea, stressing the importance of loving and teaching our children.

Some people believe that a child's peers have more influence over them than their parents do.  If a child feels loved and accepted by his/her parents, they will be more open to listening to advice.  Parents can lovingly provide advice and standards that will help children select good friends.  Children that feel loved and accepted have a stronger desire to please their parents, leading them to make good decisions more often.

There are four main parenting styles:

*authoritarian (coercive)

*permissive

*uninvolved/disengaged

*authoritarian

Authoritative parenting follows the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ.  Authoritative parenting creates a positive atmosphere that encourages communication between parents and children.  In authoritative parenting there is a high level of warmth between parents and children, but there are also high expectations.  When this warmth and love is present, children are more receptive to their parents' influence.  Authoritative parenting is done in love and respect, therefore it invites the Spirit to be present in the home.  

Elder Robert D. Hales taught, "The key to strengthening our families is having the Spirit of the Lord come into our homes."

Multiply and Replenish

"God's commandment to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force."

(The Family: A Proclamation to the World"

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is a family based organization.  It teaches the importance of family.  It teaches that families can be together forever.  The family is the most important institution in the world.  However, fertility rates have been steadily dropping for many years.  

There are many reasons for this decline, some of which include: the expenses of having children, especially a large family, are high, career and education, and even influence by government.  Having children takes time and money.  Some families find that they cannot provide for a large family.  Others don't feel like they can, or want to, provide the time for children.  Women have been pressured in the last few decades to become more independent and educated.  More emphasis is being put on getting an education, and achieving success in their career.  Sometimes, when they are finally able to settle down, they realize that it is too late.  Some governments are putting pressure on their citizens to limit the size of their families.  For example, in the 1970's, China enforced a one child rule.  This remains in practice today.

Young people are pressured every day to wait to start a family until they have completed their education.  My husband and I were married when I was 19, and he was 21.  We chose to start our family not long after that.  When he was excepted into dental school, we had two young boys, and I was expecting my third son in a few months.  We attended a "Welcome" dinner for all of the new dental students, and their spouses.  After we introduced ourselves, and told a little about ourselves, a secretary from the school, who I later learned was a member of the Church, approached me.  She made small talk and then said, "Well, I bet you wish you would have waited to have all of those kids.  You are going to have a rough next four years.", and then she walked away.  I didn't know how to feel.  At first, I was ashamed, feeling that we had somehow made a wrong choice in bringing these sweet boys into the world.  Then I felt embarrassed that we had somehow thought that we could make it through four years of dental school and be parents.  I wondered if everyone around us was laughing , and waiting for us to fail.  When I mentioned this to my husband later that night, he said," Well, that's sad that she feels that way.  We knew that we were supposed to have these kids, and so did Heavenly Father.  He helped me get into dental school, and He will help us get through it.".  And He did.  We were blessed because we had followed His counsel.  How sad though, that a woman that had been taught the same gospel principles that I had, would make me feel bad for following them, when she should have been supporting me.

Having a family, and being parents can be scary.  It can be overwhelming, and it is hard work.  But, if we are doing the things that our Heavenly Father has commanded us to do, He will always be there to help us, if we ask Him.  There are some couples that are not able to have as many children as they wanted, and some that may never be able to have biological children.  In those cases, President Hinckley gave us great counsel.  He said,

"The Lord has told us to multiply and replenish the earth that we might have joy in our posterity, and there is no greater joy than the joy that comes of happy children in good families.  But he did not designate the number, nor has the Church.  That is a sacred matter left to the couple and the Lord."

My friend from college, Whitney, and her husband Quin were married and started a family not long after.  They were blessed with three beautiful children, however, because of health problems, Whitney was not able to have more children.  They did not, however, feel that their family was complete.  They counseled with family, and with their Heavenly Father, and found that adoption was the answer for their family.  They were able to adopt two sons from China.  Although Whitney did not bear these children, they are now sealed to them, and they are an important part of their family.  We should always counsel with our spouses and our Heavenly Father to make decisions about the size of our families.

"Of all the joys of life, none other equals that of happy parenthood.  Of all the responsibilities with which we struggle, none other is so serious.  To rear children in an atmosphere of love, security, and faith is the most rewarding of all challenges.  The good result from such efforts becomes life's most satisfying compensation."  

--President Gordon B. Hinckley

Honor Thy Father

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families."

(The Family: A Proclamation to the World)

A father is to PRESIDE over his family.  This means he should be the spiritual leader in his family.  He should teach his family the gospel.  He should take them to church, and make sure that they are learning the gospel.  He should be an example to them through the way that he lives his life, treats others, and treats their mother.  He should teach them to have values and respect for others.

A father should be a PARTNER.  He should work closely with the mother of his children to raise, and teach them.  They should help each other and make decisions together.  He should show his children how to be a good partner through his example.  He should be a partner to his child by teaching them, and helping them to reach their full potential.

A father should be PRESENT.  He should spend time with his children.  They should have a close relationship, and he should be available to his children, both physically and emotionally.  He should be there in their activities.  His children should know that he is always available to them.

A father should PROVIDE. A father should do his best to take care of the physical needs of his family.  He should work to provide them with the necessities, but he should also provide them with opportunities to learn and grow.  

A father should PROTECT.  A father should teach his children about dangers, and why they should avoid them.  Like a mother, he should do everything in his power to protect his children.  A father should teach his children right from wrong, and try to protect them from making bad choices.  A father should also be an example to help protect his children from making bad choices that could hurt them, such as drinking or drugs.

Some ways that I have witnessed my own father, my father-in-law, and my husband be good fathers are:

1. Spend time with your children.  I have been blessed with a father that took time to spend with our family.  We would play in the backyard, watch sports on TV,  or go on vacations.  I always felt that I was important to him, because he seemed to like spending time with me.  My husband is the same way.  He can be found playing sports with my kids, coaching their teams, taking them for treats, or just sitting and listening to them.  My children know that he enjoys their company.

2. Attend their activities.  My dad came to everything.  Sporting events, choir concerts, dance recitals, and piano recitals.  He was there when we spoke in church.  He was there when I received a scholarship.  He came to numerous events that my siblings and I were in.  My husband makes it a point to come to everything that our children participate in.  If he cannot be there, my kids know that he has asked me to make sure to get it on video.  He will take the time to watch the video with them later.  

3. Be the priesthood authority in the home.  I always knew that I could go to my dad for a priesthood blessing.  There was never a worry that he wouldn't be worthy, or would deny me the blessing.  My children are now blessed to have that in our home.  I am blessed with a husband that is happy to give blessings.  He leads us in family prayer every night, and in our Come Follow Me study.  He has been able to baptize all of our children that have been old enough to be baptized.  He has been able to give three of my sons the priesthood.  He has gone with me to the temple, and has been able to take three of our children to perform baptisms for the dead.  He is an example of a priesthood holder, as he takes our family to church each week, and performs his ministering duties.

4. Love your children.  My dad showed his love through actions.  He wasn't much for expressing it through words.  My husband both shows and tells my children that he loves them.  He pays attention to them.  He tells them he loves them every night as he helps to tuck them into bed.  He gives hugs and kisses, and he comforts them when they are upset.  

5. Love their mother.  One of the best ways that a man can be a good father, is by loving his children's mother.  By loving their mother, he can be an example of how to have a good relationship.  He can teach his children to be good husbands and fathers by the things that he does.  

"A father's calling is eternal and its importance transcends time." 

--Ezra Taft Benson

Mothers Are Nuturers

"Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children"

(The Family: A Proclamation to the World)

The importance of motherhood has been under attack for many years now.  Society would have us believe that by being a mother, you are not fulfilling your full potential.  If you stay at home to care for your kids, you are doing yourself a disservice.  Society wants women to look at the wonderful careers they could have, and the things they could achieve in the business world.  Motherhood is looked down on.  It is something that we are taught to avoid, because it will ruin our bodies and tie us to our homes, where we will have very little impact on society.  This couldn't be further from the truth.

President David O. McKay said:

"Motherhood is the greatest potential influence either for good or ill in human life.  The mother's image is the first that stamps itself on the unwritten page of the young child's mind.  It is her caress that first awakens a sense of security; her kiss, the first realization of affection; her sympathy and tenderness, the first assurance that there is love in the world."

If we are listen to what President McKay says, then there is no greater way that we could impact society than through being a mother, and raising righteous children.

Mothers are responsible for so many different things.  They can be broken down into two categories: Preserving Life and Nurturing Growth and Development.

Preserving Life can mean protecting our children from harm.  It can mean doing anything in our power to keep our child safe.  It means feeding and caring for our child.  It means taking them to doctor's appointments to keep them healthy, or heal them when they are sick.  It means teaching them about danger and how to avoid it.

 

Nurturing Growth and Development is a lot more than this.  Nurturing Growth means creating an environment of safety, peace, and learning.  It means organizing routines for your child and family.  It means helping them develop good academic routines, helping them learn to problem solve, and helping them develop skills that they will need, whether it's walking, riding a bike, driving a car, or balancing a check book.  Nurturing growth and development also means developing a strong relationship with your child.  It means listening to them, encouraging them, expressing appreciation, and being available to them.  Mothers are also the most important influence on a child's intellectual development.  Mothers need to provide opportunities for their children to learn.  Mother's are also responsible to teach their children religious beliefs.

How can we do all of this?  Here are some suggestions that my mother, myself, and other mothers that I know use:

1. Show and tell your child that you love them.  Your child needs to hear you tell them that they are loved.  The words mean something to them.  You must also show them that you love them through your actions.  

2. Be there for them.  Be there when they come home from school.  Be there when they get home from a date.  Be at their dance recital, soccer game, band performance, or spelling bee.  This will help them know that they are important to you.

3. Listen to them.  Listen when they come home with a broken heart.  Listen when they tell you about their fight with a friend.  Listen when they talk incessantly about Pokemon or their video game that they are playing.  They will keep coming to you, if they know you are listening.

4. Spend time with them. Do things together.  Try to spend time with them doing something that they love.  Read with them.  Teach them to do something that you are good at.  Laugh with them.  When you spend time together, it helps to strengthen your relationship with your children.

5. Plan celebrations with them.  Celebrate their birthday.  Make holiday traditions with them.  They can be simple or elaborate.  Take them on vacations.  These can be simple too.  Just have fun!

And what if you do not get the opportunity to be a mother in this life?? Sister Sheri Dew said:

"Motherhood is more than bearing children...It is the essence of who we are as women.  If defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us."

I know quite a few women in my life that have not had the chance to become mothers.  One was a beloved aunt of my husband.  She had over 50 nieces and nephews.  She knew each of their birthdays, their interests, and their personalities.  She planned and carried out many "Aunt Bev" days, where she spent time with them one on one.  She was so loved, and had a great influence on each of them.  Another is a cousin of mine.  She is a well loved 5th grade teacher.  Her students adore her.  She attends their extra curricular activities.  She knows each of them well, and pays attention to the things they are doing.  She has recently been called to be the Young Women's President in her ward.  Those Young Women are so lucky to have someone to love them like she will.  Another is a fellow sister in the Primary Presidency.  She loves those primary children, and has also spent many years in her career working with young adults with special needs.  She loves them too.  

Wherever we are in our role of "mother", if we involve our Heavenly Father, He will help us to influence those around us for good.  Whether they are our biological children or not, He will help us to teach, guide, and love them the way that He would have us do.